EP #60: Special series—12 keys to end binge eating, Key #12: Find the power in you (ii)

Dec 29, 2020

Perhaps it makes sense to you—on an intellectual level, at least—that you have the power inside to find a way out of bingeing. Why, then, might that wise inner leadership have sometimes been absent? If you feel confused, or even resentful, at not always being able to access that deeper sense of your Self, you might consider that even the president is evacuated in times of crisis. When that happens, others need to step in to fill the vacant protective role, albeit temporarily. This episode talks about why you may have lost your sense of internal leadership, and how the part of you that binges can begin to relinquish power as it rediscovers you.

If you’re ready to apply the concepts in this podcast at a deeper level, join me in The Soulfull Academy, the new name for the formerly called Done Bingeing Membership. Go to https://www.holdingthespace.co/join/ to learn more.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.holdingthespace.co/60.

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What you’ll discover
  • A reminder of the invitation to recognize the incredible leader inside you.
  • Why the inner wisdom of your Self may sometimes seem absent.
  • That the binge eater is not you, it is just a part of you.
  • How bingeing may have started as an urgent and strategic solution.
  • How understanding the protective role of bingeing can help you heal.
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What do Air Force One and the pitch to the sun have to do with you and binge eating? Keep listening!

Welcome to The Done Bingeing Podcast. This is the place to hear about how you can pair the emerging brain science about why you binge with powerful life coaching to help you stop. If you want to explore an evidence-based, non-clinical approach to end binge eating, you’re in the right place.

It’s time to free yourself. You have more power than you know. To find out more, go to www.holdingthespace.co and click Programs.

And now, your host, Internal-Family-Systems-Level-3-Trained and Master-Coach-Certified Martha Ayim.

Last week, we began to talk about key number 12 to end binge eating—find the power in you, which was an invitation to recognize your incredible leader inside, your capital S Self that has the power to heal.

This week, we’re on to part ii of key number 12, which is understanding why the Self is sometimes absent.

In episode 59, we reminisced about a classic holiday movie. Why was eight-year-old Kevin McCallister left home alone to fend for himself? Because his parents forget to take him on the family vacation to Paris.

We also learned about Dr Richard Schwartz’s family therapy office. Why were family members, some very young, sometimes left to cope on their own? Because the parents had lost the ability to lead their family.

And we learned about Schwartz’s individual clients. Why did they sometimes cope by binge eating? Because they had lost the ability to lead themselves.

But why would a person lose the ability to govern themself?

Why would someone lose their sense of internal leadership, especially when they most needed it?

Well, why would Air Force One fly out the US president when the country is under attack—a time of dire need?

Because the leader must be flown to safety, to return to govern another day.

Air Force One is the call sign for any US Air Force aircraft flying the president.

Only two Boeing 747s exist in the world that can soar off a runway at a pitch so steep it would leave any observer stunned. Both are called “Air Force One.”

But why would these planes be built to rise so high so fast?

Because surface-to-air missiles may lie in wait in deep grassy spaces. Getting hit by one of those would bring a plane very low very fast.

The iconic blue and white Air Force One is the best chance for the president to survive.

And from Guess Where II and Columbine III to nightwatch planes and covert streams, they’ve been called it all. Even once known as a Sacred Cow, these are the planes on standby if a day of doom arrives.

Yes, they take the leader away—possibly, though, to a provisional command post, maybe airborne, maybe seaborn, maybe buried beneath a raven’s rock. But always, always at the ready to return.

As the presidential fleet flees, whom do you see?

The military, pledged to die for country and commander if there’s a shot at keeping them alive.

So if you’re confused by, or resentful of, your seeming absence of Self-leadership when you’ve most needed it to help end binge eating, remember this: the mission of Air Force One isn’t to abandon the country; it’s to save the leader to come back to govern again.

Your core Self has been evacuated to safety and the part of you that is bingeing is doing the best it can to protect you and lead in the Self’s stead.

Schwartz wouldn’t see the temporary loss of Self as abandonment, but as an urgent, strategic move to save and secure the critical leader of the system.

Remember, the binge eater is not you.

It is just a part of you.

And it will not relinquish power until it can trust that your Self is able to protect what it protects.

If you don’t binge, who will combat the latest “deprivation-free” starvation diet?

If you don’t binge, who will make sure you get to eat?

If you don’t binge, what will fill your mind?

If you don’t binge, what will fill your time?

If you don’t binge, who will help to soothe the wounds of recent days?

If you don’t binge, who will help to tend to the scars of old ones?

Answer these questions and you can radio air traffic control.

You have your own call sign to take your leader away.

And you have your own call sign to bring your leader back.

Your fleet is on standby, landed on a runway nearby.

Address what your protector protects, then give the signal to bring your leader home.

That’s it for Episode 60. Thank you for listening! If you want to do something other than binge your way to new year’s eve, then join me in The Soulfull Academy (two Ls on “full”, the new name for the formerly called Done Bingeing Membership. Join right now, and get immediate access to December at no extra charge. Next call—Tuesday, December 29 at 1 pm ET. You coming? There’s another way to make it to New Year’s Day. Go to www.holdingthespace.co/join to learn more.

Thanks for listening to The Done Bingeing Podcast.

Martha has the highest-level training in both the evidence-based Internal Family Systems approach and in life coaching, and she’s available to help you stop bingeing. You can learn more about her programs by going to www.holdingthespace.co and clicking Programs.

Stay tuned for the next episode on freeing yourself from binge eating and creating the life you want.

References

Graff, GM. (2017, May 02). The President’s Secret Air Force: Air Force One is just the public face of a fleet that keeps the president safe and secure. Accessed December 23, 2020: https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/05/02/the-presidents-secret-air-force-215091

Wikipedia. Air Force One. Accessed December 23, 2020. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_Force_One

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Now, I’d love to hear from you!
  1. Think back to the approximate age you were when you started bingeing. What was happening in your life at that time?
  2. As you look back on that younger version of yourself, how do you feel toward her or him? Why do you feel that way? How might you access more curiosity or compassion toward your younger self?
  3. Can you identify any way in which bingeing may have been helping you somehow? It may have been through dulling your experience of an uncomfortable situation or feeling, or for another reason. If you can’t identify the role binge eating played, that’s okay too—you may like to hold the question lightly and see what comes up for you over time.
  4. Does it make sense to you that bingeing could have been protecting the deeper essence of you?
  5. Is there anything that the part of you that binges still feels it needs to protect you from, or help you with? For example, it could be from restrictive dieting, overworking, challenging relationships, or painful memories.
  6. Do you sense a deeper essence of your Self inside you—a Self that instinctively knows what you truly need? What comes up for you as you consider the possibility of a profound wisdom and leadership existing within?

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me.
Sending much love to you!

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