What do Gary Coleman and the circus have to do with you and binge eating? Keep listening!

Welcome to The Done Bingeing Podcast. I’m Martha Ayim, Internal Family Systems Level 3 Practitioner.

If you’ve tried everything to stop binge eating, but nothing’s worked—or worked for long—maybe it’s time for something different.

IFS is an evidence-based model recognized by SAMHSA and it’s taking the world by storm. Why? Because it understands how overwhelming experiences like bingeing can really feel. IFS doesn’t ask you to ignore, fight, or reason your way out of anything. Instead, it meets you exactly where you are—with genuine curiosity and compassion for every part of you involved. If you’re looking for an approach and a host that totally get you, then listen in, my friend. This podcast is for you!

Well hello and welcome back!

We’ve been making our way through ten foundations that can begin to shift binge eating—without ever talking about food.

Episode 79 was on adequate hydration, Episode 80 was on why your bingeing makes sense, Episode 81 was on why you’re worthy of respect and care, and Episode 82 was on sleep, movement you love, and addressing stress.

In today’s episode, we’re talking about having fun.

After this, we’ll be focusing in on our last three strategies: dipping into a feeling, being real, and giving yourself time.

Maybe you’re surprised that I’d focus an entire episode on having fun in a podcast called Done Bingeing. After all, aren’t we supposed to be talking about healing here? Shouldn’t we be more serious?

I get it.

When bingeing was running my life, I wasn’t exactly having a blast. If anything, bingeing felt like the problem I had to solve first before I ever deserved an ounce of joy.

Maybe you’ve felt this too—that pleasure is something you’ll allow yourself only after you stop bingeing.

But have you ever asked yourself, “Wait! Why am I bingeing right now?” and heard answers like:

“To have a moment of pleasure.”

“To feel even a little joy.”

“To finally have something, just for me.”

What if the part of you that binges has actually been trying to slip a bit of fun into your day?

Sometimes when I was bingeing, I’d look at my calendar and see nothing but papers and presentations. Other times when I was bingeing, I’d look at my life and see nothing but diapers and dishes.

Basically, I had work coming out the wazoo, and nary a break in sight.

What did the part of me that binged do? It forced me to take a break on the backend when another part wouldn’t let myself take a break on the frontend.

I’m going to say that again, and I wondering if you’re open to really noticing whether this might resonate for you, too.

My bingeing part forced me to take a break on the backend when another part wouldn’t let myself take a break on the frontend.

What was missing from my life wasn’t just freedom from bingeing, it was freedom itself. The kind of freedom you feel when you laugh with a friend at a café, catch a kids movie with other parents and their little boos, or lose yourself—even for 10 minutes—in a book that isn’t trying to improve you.

How would it be to respectfully ask the parts of you that drive you to keep going to give you permission—maybe even just once this week—to experiment with allowing you to schedule something simply because it feels good?

It doesn’t have to be big.

Maybe it’s a walk with a neighbor in the park, or five minutes to lie on your grass and watch the clouds.

Right about now, your driving parts might be saying, “What you talkin’ ‘bout Willis?”

I really do understand the question and the skepticism behind it.

But not only that—I welcome the skepticism.

Of course, they need to know Martha’s not some wackadoodle who’s wasting your time. That makes sense and is a really important need.

But it’s too soon for them to conclude that I’m one clown short of a circus.

We need their skills of discernment to help you decide whether this could be really helpful for you.

In order for them to make that determination, though, they first need to gather evidence, and to gather that evidence, they need to agree to create enough space for you to try something different.

Here, I must acknowledge that I learned this beautiful technique of honoring skeptical parts from Internal Family Systems legend, Robert Falconer.

One of the tragedies for our parts that try so desperately to protect us is that they often miss that they rarely get the very thing they’re trying so hard to attain for us.

For example, the parts that drive us past the point of breaking to ensure we avoid censure and failure, don’t see that their constant pushing exhausts us, ultimately makes our work less productive and that it triggers another part—like a bingeing part—to step in and slam on the brakes.

And while the bingeing part forces us to break and offers momentary pleasure, not long after that we feel the exhausting sugar crash, the dulling cognitive fog, and the despairing emotional spiral—which only makes it harder to work and creates more of the kind of pain that the bingeing part finds so upsetting.

There is another way.

These parts of you don’t have to stay in a deadlock that neither of them enjoy and that ultimately doesn’t help either of them get what they want for you.

If it feels right to you, ask your skeptical or driving parts if they’re open to trying something different.

If they’re okay with it, they may notice a few things happen when they allow you to build moments of fun into your day:

1. that it’s nice for them to not have to always push you so hard
2. that there’s less of a need for your bingeing part to react with as much intensity
3. that you actually enjoy your work more when you know that pleasure is scheduled on the calendar too, and
4. that you may actually be more productive in doing your work in the end

What does all of that add up to?

More fun for you, less alarm in your system, less harm from overwork and bingeing, better productivity, more internal peace in your system.

Here’s what I want you to know:

Having fun and enjoying your life right now is not a distraction from healing bingeing. It’s actually part of the healing. And the magic is that it can even help you heal faster.

Because life doesn’t start on the other side of bingeing. Life is right here, right now. You don’t have to wait for joy, and you don’t have to earn joy.

So, if your parts are open to it, see what it’s like to gently weave tiny threads of pleasure back into your days. Notice how it feels for them when joy no longer waits in line behind bingeing. They might be surprised.

Inviting play back into your life can remind your hardworking part that by easing back even a little, work itself can be more fun and productive. And inviting play can allow your bingeing part to experience a sense of relief, that it’s not solely responsible for providing you with pleasure.

My friend, life doesn’t start after the bingeing stops.

Life is already here, right now, in the imperfect and gentle moments when you let yourself have a bit of joy simply because you exist.

Healing rarely arrives all at once, it often arrives softly—little by little, moment by moment, part by part—right here, in the quiet presence of now.

That’s it for Episode 83. Thank you for listening! Remember, if you want to learn more about how Internal Family Systems can help you heal binge eating, why not sign up for a free consultation with me? Just go to holdingthespace.as.me/free30. That’s holdingthespace.as.me/free30!

Thanks for listening to The Done Bingeing Podcast.

Martha has the highest-level training in both the evidence-based Internal Family Systems approach and in life coaching, and she’s available to help you stop bingeing. You can learn more about her programs by going to www.holdingthespace.co and clicking Programs.

Stay tuned for the next episode on freeing yourself from binge eating and creating the life you want.

References

Falconer, R. https://robertfalconer.us