What do Shakespeare and going commando have to do with you and binge eating? Keep listening! 

Welcome to The Done Bingeing Podcast. This is the place to hear about how you can pair the emerging brain science about why you binge with powerful life coaching to help you stop. If you want to explore an evidence-based, non-clinical approach to end binge eating, you’re in the right place.  

It’s time to free yourself. You have more power than you know. To find out more, go to www.holdingthespace.co and click Programs. 

And now, your host, Internal-Family-Systems-Level-3-Trained and Master-Coach-Certified Martha Ayim. 

Well hello there and welcome back!  

In the last two episodes, we’ve been talking about key things you can do that don’t focus on food or exercise that can markedly shift bingeing.  

Episode 79 was on adequate hydration and Episode 80 was on understanding how your bingeing makes sense. 

Here are the 10 strategies we’ll be talking about at a glance: 

1. Why your bingeing make sense
2. Why you’re worth caring for
3. Getting enough sleep
4. Moving in ways you love
5. Ensuring adequate hydration
6. Addressing a stressor
7. Having fun
8. Dipping into a feeling
9. Being real
10. Giving yourself time

And because gifts are so much fun, I’m putting the finishing touches on a free, handy checklist for when we’re done going through all the strategies. It’s called 10 Quick Wins to Heal Binge Eating—Before Ever Focusing on Food. You’ll be able to keep it by your side, for whenever you need it.  

In upcoming episodes, we’ll be going through the rest of the tips. In this episode, we’re focusing on why you’re worth caring for.  

When I say, “Aretha Franklin,” what’s the first thing you want to belt out?  

If it’s R-E-S-P-E-C-T, that’s you and me both, my friend. And, don’t worry, I won’t hold it against you if it wasn’t. 

As one of my Internal Family Systems consultants, Robert Falconer, reminded me, respect is the opposite of shame and the minimum of love. The second of those ideas, he said, came from the work of Pia Melody, renowned author on recovery from addictions.  

Shame is such an inherent part of the bingeing experience that it’s built right into the clinical criteria for binge eating disorder in the DSM-5 (APA, 2013)—that’s the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 

 

Realizing that you and your bingeing make sense, as we talked about in the last episode, opens the door to a tenderness that can meet the shame in a very new and different way. 

 

Think about someone you love deeply—maybe your best friend, your child, your partner, your pet. If they were feeling shame or some other kind of pain, what would you say to them? How would you be with them? 

 

Perhaps you would sense if it felt right to sit down beside them and gently say, “Hey, I’m sorry this hurts so much. I’m here with you. How can I help?” 

 

Would it seem radical if I said that’s exactly the kind of care that you and the part of you that binges need too?  

 

If you’re thinking, “Oh, heck yeah!” you wouldn’t be alone. In fact, you would be among the vast majority of the beautiful people who reach out to me for help. 

 

They believe something that I once did. 

 

I used to believe that I wouldn’t be a binge eater if I had character, if I had discipline, if I was okay.  

 

I believed the converse—that my bingeing was a testament to my lack of quality, to my fundamental flaws.  

 

I was told again and again, I just needed to stop eating so much. That I didn’t need all that food. That I needed to ignore my hunger. That I needed to stop giving in. That I couldn’t be a wimp my whole life. 

 

And with messages like that, it’s no wonder that it seemed so foreign to treat myself with kindness as I tried to heal my bingeing. Maybe you can relate. 

 

That’s why the invitation to consider how you would treat someone else experiencing what you are can sometimes open the door to offering kindness to yourself. 

 

So often, we’re told we need to put on our big boy pants or our big girl panties. 

 

And, I mean, let’s be real. Wearing underwear can be a win.  

I found that out the hard way one hot Toronto day, walking in my favorite summer skirt over a sidewalk grate. 

 

My colleagues did ask me out to lunch a lot more after that—I’m joking, I’m totally joking!  

 

Or . . . am I? 

Listen—to go commando or not to go commando—that is not the question. 

And, before Shakespeare rolls over in his grave, I’m going to tell you what the question is. 

 

But first, let me acknowledge that it’s true that sometimes we just have to get the thing done. We need to brush our teeth, even if we don’t feel like it. We need to tend to a crying baby, even if we’re tired. We need to submit our taxes, whether we want to or not. 

 

But we can also allow for humanity. 

 

Dr Gabor Maté, a renowned Canadian trauma and addictions physician, taught us in his Compassionate Inquiry training, that he wouldn’t ask his patients why they were drinking or using other drugs. He would ask why they were in pain.  

 

In other words, he would say. “The question wasn’t, ‘Why the addiction?’ The question was, ‘Why the pain?’” 

 

Of course, we would soothe when we were in pain. It is normal and human to seek comfort.  

 

Seeking comfort from food, for whatever reason, doesn’t mean you’re in any way less worthy of anything. 

 

There’s a reason why I’m trying so hard to get you to believe that you are worth respect and care. 

 

Perhaps you’re surprised that I recorded a whole episode on it. Well, in my signature program, The Done Bingeing Roadmap, I wrote an entire module on it. 

 

That’s because everything else becomes possible when you believe you’re worthy of kind attention. 

 

We’ve already talked about the importance of adequate hydration for virtually every single aspect of your health. But you’re not going to prioritize that if you don’t believe you’re worth the time. 

And, in these episodes focusing on 10 quick wins to heal binge eating before ever talking about the food, I’ve yet to get to sleep, moving in ways you love, addressing a stressor, having some fun, dipping into a feeling, giving yourself time and—heaven forbid—saying no to things that do not align with you. 

All of these explorations will be much more powerful if they come from a belief that you’re worth it. And not only that. The compassion inherent in kind and respectful care is exactly what your bingeing part needs to heal. 

From the earliest episodes of this podcast, the heart of my message was self-regard. In fact, it was this preoccupation with self-regard that inspired some of you to write in and tell me about Dr Richard Schwartz and Internal Family Systems. There was something congruent about our ideas, you said. And now I know what it was, though he shares it with much more beauty, with a 40-year track record, and with evidence-based backing: 

We all have within us a presence that has the capacity to offer open-hearted tenderness to each part of us—yes, even the part of us that binges.  

It’s what that part has longed for. It’s what that part has sobbed for, and it’s what few approaches will ever offer. 

Compassion and curiosity make it possible to shift from punitive and corrective responses to bingeing to caring guidance toward healing. 

 

You may not believe met just yet.  

 

But maybe, just maybe, you are open to the possibility that you are worthy of deep respect, that you, my friend, yes you—that you are someone worth caring for. 

That’s it for Episode 81. Thank you for listening! If you’re curious about my signature program, the Done Bingeing Roadmap, stay tuned because I’ll be sharing more in the coming episodes. And, remember, if you want to learn more about how Internal Family Systems can help you heal binge eating, I’d be happy to have a free consultation with you. Just go to holdingthespace.as.me/free30. That’s holdingthespace.as.me/free30. 

Thanks for listening to The Done Bingeing Podcast. 

Martha has the highest-level training in both the evidence-based Internal Family Systems approach and in life coaching, and she’s available to help you stop bingeing. You can learn more about her programs by going to www.holdingthespace.co and clicking Programs. 

Stay tuned for the next episode on freeing yourself from binge eating and creating the life you want. 

 

References 

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: Author. 

Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No bad parts: Healing trauma and restoring wholeness with the Internal Family Systems model. Sounds True.